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However, sometimes I feel surrounded by friends and family. We get together, laugh, share, and feel cocooned from the harsh world around us. Paris may burn, but we still have one another. I am no longer the child I have struggled to leave behind, but the flamboyant persona I have desperately tried to create.
Then there are the moments of clarity between those two states of being. I am neither and yet both. I think this state might be the worst of the three. All facade and fear stripped away to the bare essence of myself. It is hard to see yourself for what you are and not flinch as you look into that personal mirror.
Finally, I break down and laugh or cry or both, pick up my knitting, tell myself to stop being so self-indulgent, and I get on with my life.
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