Memorial for a Friend

Today I lost one of my oldest friends to cancer.  I met Don when we were 14 and 15 at a speech meet in Belle MO.  We were competing against each other in poetry reading.  Immediately, he introduced himself and asked who I was.  Don had beautiful blue eyes and the warmest smile.  He didn't care that we were competing against each other or that I was from a different school he just cared that I was a new person to know.

 That's just how Don was, he loved meeting new people.  He always wanted to include everyone in everything, no exceptions.  His generosity of spirit believed every person was a new friend.  I never knew him to exclude anyone.  We dated on and off in high school, but truly we were always more friends than a couple.  After high school I ran into Don at a gay bar, which made us both so happy to reconnect.  We stayed in contact over the years even ending up in the same city.  Seeing him was a treat and he always welcomed me with the love of an oldest and dearest of friends.  Again that was how Don was, all of us were old friends he was overjoyed to see.

Today the cancer he has been fighting for the last 2 years finally won the battle.  His baby sister broke the news on Facebook.  We all knew it was coming, but still we all cried as our hearts were breaking.  A world without him in it seems less.  All I can do is cry and remember that warm smile including me in his inner circle of friends.  An inner circle which is legions of friends all heartbroken by his passing.  We will miss you my friend.

Love Jamie

5 Years and Counting

My Dad in his late 20s.

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my dad's passing.  I have spent the past years re-living those final hours of his life.  To see someone so strong so destroyed by this disease was worse than anything I had ever seen before.  All ideas of Christian grace gone.  It was horrific.  And yet when people said to me, his passing was a relief from the pain, I wanted to scream at them why did he have to suffer at all.  I still carry such anger and pain at this vile thing called cancer and if I pray for anything it is that there is a cure so no one suffers as he did.  After the anger is the hole from the loss of someone so important to me.  I move forward and make the new normal without him, but know I still cry when I think of all the things I can no longer share with him.  Grief is not about stages, it is about forcing yourself forward when with every inch you leave the life you shared with your loved one behind.  Sad day, sad thoughts.

Catch-Up

Catch-Up Part I
I have mentioned before that my dad has pancreatic cancer. Last November the Doctor said that if my dad and cancer were boxers he would beat on the cancer. He gave my dad six to nine months. I took it hard, my whole family did. This winter was rough, my dad got skinnier and skinnier. However, the cancer didn't move and got smaller. My dad kept up with his chemo and slowly he got stronger and put back on some of his weight. A couple of weeks ago he packed up his traveling kit and headed north on his iron horse. They didn't make it to Alaska, but he made it to Canada and had a good time. He came back exhausted, but happy. Then comes the good news, his cancer is still not moving or growing. Dad is official off chemo and is feeling good. This story still doesn't have the Hollywood ending, but the doctor is thinking maybe he should have bet on my dad.

Catch-Up Part II
Friday I had the day off and I got to hang out with the ever joyous Little Nell. We went to University City, had lunch at Pi ( http://www.restaurantpi.com/index2.html ). Pi has the distinction of serving pizza to the President. The President liked it so much he has order it since his visit to St Louis. We thought if it was good enough for a president, it was good enough for us. Oh my was it yummy. We ordered the East Loop, a thin crust pizza with pesto and chicken and lots of delicious cheese. Not trying to get in any debates about which pizza style is best, but the waitresses' shirts proclaiming no provel was a good sign. The place was hopping and we were lucky to get a table they were so busy.

After pizza we walked next door to Knitty Couture ( http://www.knittycouture.com/ ). Knitty Couture is not my usual knitting venue, but Friday was about thinking outside my usual box. We shopped ( I bought some Kid Silk Haze in toxic green) and then sat and knit with the shop owner. I felt like a rookie with two knit hall of famers, but they were both so gracious I clacked merrily along with them. The weather was beautiful and the company fabulous, it was a great afternoon.

Catch-up Part III
I did it, I went to see The Time Traveler's Wife. I loved the book so I was a little unsure of how I would feel about the film. I felt the scope of the book would be hard to distill down to a two hour film. I was impressed that the adaption was so well done. The essence of the story and important details were retained to make the movie very palatable. What really attracted me to book was the love story between Henry and Clare. In many ways the story reminded me of The Odyssey. Henry's journey is through the important events of his life, and Clare has to wait for him to return to her.

I think my only disappointment was the soundtrack. The novel had a very distinctive hardcore soundtrack in my head. The producers decided to take away that edge and give a softer more romantic ambiance to it. I was expecting a little more Ramones and got a lot more Soundscape Channel.

I am hoping this isn't a spoiler, but I was impressed the movie did not deviate to far from the ending of the novel. No Hollywood endings here.

BEST NEWS!

BEST NEWS!!! MY DAD IS BEING TAKEN OFF OF CHEMO BECAUSE HIS CANCER IS NOT MOVING. DOC WILL CHECK BACK N 2 MONTHS! GOOD NEWS!

Father's Day

Cancer sucks, that means having it or knowing and loving someone who has been diagnosed with the big C. My dad has pancreatic cancer and it is a cancer that truly sucks. His odds of beating this thing are under 12%. His doctor told him he would probably have only 6 months to live. All of it is very gloomy and doomy. We found out about this last year in early November. It made for a very sad winter.

Eight months later in June not only has my father exceeded his six months, but he will celebrate his 68th birthday and his 45th father's day. The cancer is being kept in check by the chemo. Dad is walking and working on his appetite so he can take a motorcycle trip to Alaska later in the summer. I say go dad.

We are all learning to take everyday as a gift. Every good day. I hope to post next year with some uplifting post about his 46th father day. If not, I want to at least say my dad saw Alaska. And that his "Cancer Sucks" button looked defiant on his motorcycle jacket.