Lucky in Iowa, Or How I got Married.

I never thought I would be legally married, never.  But I am in the states of Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, District of Columbia, and Iowa.  How you might ask did such a thing happen?  Well sit back and let me tell you a story.  A good story about love, luck, and a trip to the great state of Iowa.

Wednesday my much beleaguered life partner, Natalie, called from Washington D C and said, "Since we both have Friday off, what do you want to do?"  Granted it wasn't just any old Friday but Friday, March 4, which has the distinction of being my birthday.  My 45th birthday if you are counting.  And if you are counting, the last two years my birthdays have been days marked by grief.  I wanted to do something special, something memorable, something to mark the change of luck in my life.  I really can't fully explain why, but as soon as I heard this question I only had one answer.

"Let's go to Iowa and get married,"  I said.

I heard Natalie say, "B...b...B..."  Silence and then, "We will talk about this later."

Later came and after much discussion (we are lesbians after all and nothing is ever decided without much processing), reflection, and a text message at 4:50 am eastern standard time that read, "Yes.  Why don't we go to Iowa and get married?  I love you." We decide to do the deed. 

But sometimes it takes a village or in this case a very persistent co-worker to make a wedding happen in 48 hours.  The great state of Iowa has rules for a marriage certificate and some counties are not as compliant as others.  Hurdle number one is the need for a justice of the peace in Iowa to do the joining.  Hurdle number two is the need for a witness that knows both parties.  Hurdle number three the three day waiting period before you can get married (so not giving Natalie the opportunity to change her mind).

Hurdle number two was easy my mom was enlisted to be our witness.  Hurdles one and three were a little more significant.  Thanks to the powers of google and fellow library assistant, Kim, it can be done.  After failing with one county to get the desired answers, she and I looked until we found my new favorite county in Iowa, Johnson County.  In the county seat of Iowa City, Iowa we found a Recorder of Deeds who had a great web page and the helpful suggestion of how to get pass the three day rule plus a list of judges and phone numbers.  A few calls and a few squeals later a plan was laid.  It was Iowa or bust.

 Friday morning with my mother (and her white mini-van) in tow we hopped on highway 61 and headed north.  I will admit to you my friends, I was positively simmering over with excitement.  I know my two favorite ladies in the world (mom and Natalie) were ready to make me ride on the roof to get me to shut up.  However, happiness brooks no deterrent, so they suffered my gushing patter on the four and half hour drive to Iowa City with no incident. 



The very awesome Carrie



We hit the administrative building at about 11:30 am central standard time like kids hitting the gate at Disneyland.  Our clerk's name was Carrie and she was everything you don't expect from a civil servant.  She was cheerful, helpful, and downright giddy to help us achieve the goal of getting us married on my birthday.  The day truly was a group effort with the employees of Johnson County doing most of the work.  Every time we showed up at the recorders office (a total of three times) Carrie was there to make our dream come true. 

This trip also required three trips to the county court house too, an awesome old building with old woodwork, vintage tile,  beautiful stained glass, and stairs, lots of stairs.  We met an amazing bailiff named Sue who made sure everyone knew we needed extra attention.  Sue kept the machinery of county bureaucracy moving for us.  By 2:00 pm central standard time Natalie and I were spouse and spouse. 

Judge Karen performed a beautiful and simple service, which I cried through.  We exchanged our wedding rings we bought for each other in 1992 and kissed in front of Judge Karen, Sue, and my mother.  Hugs went all the way around the court room and there it was we were after so many years MARRIED.  On our last trip to the Recorder's Office we picked up the actual Marriage Certificate and I said to Carrie, "I am so excited."

Carrie gave me a smile and said, "Do you think?"  I just can't thank the wonderful civil servants of Johnson County enough for all the help and attention, they truly were my heroes on my wedding day.



Judge Karen, Mom, and the newlyweds



On the four and half hour drive home my beautiful wife (and I mean that when I say it) asked, "Do you feel different?"

I could only say, "Yes, I feel empowered!"  What I didn't say then and I will say now, I feel lucky.  Lucky Natalie would have me.  Lucky my mother was with me.  And very lucky we live close enough to make it to Iowa in a day to get married.  I wish all non-traditional couple could be this lucky.

Vacationing on Dauphin Island

Last week I was on a much needed vacation to Dauphin Island Alabama.  I went with my baby sister to see my mother who had been wintering there.  I love Dauphin Island.   Actually, I love any place that is warm and welcoming in the middle of winter.  I am sure there are more posh warm weather destinations, but the slower pace suited me fine.  Our hotel overlooked a bayou and at night I could walk over to dock and watch the stars while enjoying a night breeze.  I loved the break from my life.

The island has a civil war fort, a bird sanctuary, and lots and lots of gulf views of gulls, breakers, ferries, and oil rigs pumping up black gold.  Some places you could even see large pieces of equipment working on cleaning up some of that black gold that wrecked so much havoc on the gulf last year.  A part of me would love to live this kind life, but I know within a week I would feel trapped by this thirteen mile strip of land.

To break up the monotony we went to Mobile for a Mardi Gras parade.  The floats were wonderful as they rained beads, cups, masks, toys, and moonpies down on the crowds.  I caught many beads and a few moonpies.  This parade was probably the largest parade I have ever been to and honestly it wasn't really that big.  Mobile is very serious about their Mardi Gras season, apparently this parade was one of several.

I made it a point to get into the party celebration and be-decked myself with beads and a very fabulous pair of shades. 

Parades and sandy beaches aside the best thing about my trip was spending time with my mother and baby sister.  They are two of my favorite people and hanging out with them is always fun.  We shopped, we ate good food, and just enjoyed each others company.  Mom came home from her winter break and we are all at our respective homes with memories and some fun photos to remember our good times.  I love vacation.

And the Stars Fell on Alabama

I am home from my brief trip to Daulphin Island, Alabama.  I have so much I could wax on and on about, but I need to unpack and get ready to go back to work tomorrow (yuck).  But right now, I am thinking about the stars.  At night I would sit on a dock or the back porch of the hotel listening to the surf, enjoying the night breezes, and just stare up into the starry sky and dream.  I made up a new constellation of a man on a motorcycle riding his heart out.  I would name that constellation Vernon.  Tonight at home I am missing those stars.

Bought out outlet mall n gulf shores

@ mardi gras parade n mobile great spectacle & lots of moonpies.

Wellslee's all strung out in mobile nice but going out 2 just online next month,

And the Beat Goes On

This year one of my goals was to blog at least once a week.  Well, sometimes goals aren't met and life goes on.  Everything goes on, there is just no holding it back.  So it is with me.  The world keeps revolving on it axis and I am forced to continue with my struggle with grief.  I am looking at the one year anniversary of my father's death and I feel as if I have spent the last year watching him die everyday. 

Somedays, like today, it is the thought Dad will be out on his motorcycle enjoying the strawberry spring today.  Then like a blot on the day, I remember he is gone and his motorcycle lives under a tarp.  Other days it is the memory of an event like this time last year my dad held my hand and told me he loved me for the last time.  In either case it is a tailspin into grief. 

I do try to put things in perspective and recognize this is the way of life and that nothing I am going through is unique.  These feelings and situation are all apart of the human condition.  I am on my journey and I though I am trying to take the route of acceptance and peace, somedays, I just make the wrong turn and end up here.  Stalled out, wishing my dad would come and pull me out of the mess I have got myself in.