51 & Holding

Today I turned 51.  It has not been a great year.  With all the bad politics & conservatives trying to turn back the clock and take away equality, it has been rough for this liberal lesbian.  The thing that is getting me through is my beautiful wife. Today for my birthday (51) & our 6 year anniversary she just let me run her day.  We didn't do anything special, but be together.  Sometimes that just makes all the bad stuff seem less.  I am a lucky lady.

Fabulous 50?

First I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful birthday wishes, marking my 50th year.  Admitting I am struggling with this a bit.  My head is swirling with all the things I have done or haven't done yet.  I am confused because I don't feel anymore prepared for the rest of my life then I did at 20 or 30 or 40.  Also, why do I keep getting spam from AARP?  It is like being rushed by a sorority you don't want to join. Anyway, today I entered a new decade of my life, it will be whatever it is going to be as long as my friends, family, and Natalie still love me I will make it and yes of course I will continue to be fabulous..

Birthday Tea at LTR

Today is my baby sister's birthday and she requested tea.  There was only one real destination for a birthday tea, The London Tea Room (http://www.thelondontearoom.com/index.html).  We love the LTR and have celebrated many things within the walls of this establishment.  Maybe it is the good tea or maybe the scones or maybe it has become a tradition with us, who knows, but today for baby sister's birthday we arrived ready to celebrate. 

I will always celebrate the birth of someone I love so deeply.  The last thing I expected at 20 was another sister, but fate gave me a second chance at a sibling and I am lucky to have the bonus sibling.  Part of the problem is I dislike the siblings I grew up with.  I have tried over the years to fix the differences between my other siblings and myself, but some things are just too broken and I am human after all,  I can forgive, but I am incapable of forgetting.  Baby sister gave me the opportunity to start with a clean slate not marred with pain and for that I will always be grateful.  She challenges me to stay connected to someone a generation younger than I am, and for that I am also grateful.

The day of her birth I was with her birth mother up until the moment of her arrival.  I fled unable to bring myself to witness the miracle of life.  I regret that choice, wishing I could go back and be there when baby sister made her entrance into the world.  I remember she was small, redheaded, beautiful, and loud when we meet for the first time.  It would take my parents 3 years, several legal hoops, and a chunk of change to get through the process of adopting my baby sister, but know she was ours from the beginning.

Being the much older sister comes with lots of responsibilities and sometimes I am not always up to challenge, but I am also lucky that Natalie took up the challenge too.  She has also supplemented the big sister duties with her own brand of love and practicality. Baby sister has always known that Natalie was my partner and spouse and for her this meant more love.

I am not trying to say everything is always perfect, but know having a much younger baby sister goes on my list of things that make my life (most of the time that is) more.  So to my baby sister I wish her a wonder birthday and I look forward to sharing many more birthdays with her.

Fabulous 49!

My First Birthday Cake

Today I turned 49.  I am thinking about starting to say I am 50. If I do that then maybe it want be so hard to say this time next year.  Not only that, but if I say I am 50 I will get lots of people saying to me, "Oh, I thought you only looked 49."  I had a cold birthday full of warm wishes.  Glad to have such good friends.


Also, it is my 4 year wedding anniversary.  You remember that time I went to Iowa and married the love of my life.  I am hoping that next year by our 5th wedding anniversary we get marriage equality. We are down to 12 states (my home state being one of the 12) and Alabama who are still denying same-sex marriage equality.  I dream of the day when all families are treated equally.

The only wedding dress I have ever worn

Thank you for all the kind birthday wishes.  I would be lost without you all.  Much Love.

The Gayest Cake!

Captured this cake at The LGBT Center in St Louis.  May not be the prettiest or cleverest cake, but that it is there at all makes it my favorite so far.  Much Love

Happy Birthiversary!

Great day to be out and about celebrating my birthiversary (birthday + anniversary).  In celebration of the birthday part, found this photo a good friend took of me looking like a goddess of Fiestaware.  Silly photo, but definitely looks like my day.

My day was about tea at the new London Tea Room location.  Natalie and I had the afternoon tea for our anniversary, which was lovely.  New location a thumbs up (all six of them if you are looking at the above photo).  My beautiful wife even gave me a new piece of bling to add to my collection.  I have been wanting a black diamond circle pendant for awhile, and she decided since the garage I really want isn't coming anytime soon the pendant would have to do.  We took a double selfie to commemorate the day and you can see how dreadful we are at selfies. Natalie looks like she is snorting the phone. However, notice new bling around my neck.

Last year on our anniversary we were married in fewer states and were unrecognized as spouses by both our employers.  This year we are up to 17 states and both our jobs say yes this is a family.  Even the federal government says this is a photo of a legally married couple. 

We have come a long way since we were married 3 years ago.  Next year it will be even better with more states and more wins in the same-sex equality column.  And who knows maybe next year I will get a garage for my birthiversary.

Same-Sex Marriage, Coming Soon

I love this image! It shows what I most truly want for my birthday EQUALITY.  Please join me in supporting the lifting of this ban on the freedom to love who you chose and have that love recognized by our government.  Thank you.

Tis the Season for FIESTAWARE!

The thing I love about my birthday is I get MORE fiestaware.  Because of course you can never have too much fiestaware.  My Minion, who knows me so well, started out the birthday season with Indian food and two new pieces to add to my grand collection.  He gave me a flamingo and a lemon grass heart dish.  So cool.  I love filling these dishes up with brightly colored veggies that pop with color on the table.  And since it was my birthday I bought myself some fiestaware dish towels.  Aww tis the season for birthday indulgence.  A big thanks to my Minion for always making me feel special.



Happy Birthday Baby Sis!

Today in the eleventh hour I want to wish my baby sister happy birthday.  I am really lucky to have a baby sister so much younger then me.  She keeps me young at heart, though as I get older being young at heart can be very exhausting.  I have been impressed by the adult she has become. 

Jess in the Casablanca Wavy Scarf

Though she has many admirable qualities, the fact that she is knit worthy is one of my favorite things about her.  I have been knitting things for her almost since the beginning of my knitting obsession. She is always happy to get my latest creation.  Vain knitter that I am, she tells me everyone compliments the items I make her.  Finally, the girl can rock some knitwear.

So happy birthday baby sis, and I see many more knitted items in your future.

Day 12: Happy Birthday to My Beloved

Taking the day off from the epic saga of Natalie and I, because today is her birthday.  I know it is hokey and saccharine sounding to say, beloved, but I can't help myself.  According to the online dictionary beloved means, "past participle of beloven, to love : bi-, be- + loven, to love."  So beloven it is.

To celebrate I made reservations at a swanky urban eatery called Vin de Set (http://vindeset.com/).  The place is a rooftop restaurant with a deck view of downtown St Louis, which is probably better on a warmer night for the deck.  A friend gave us a good review of the place and I thought it would be a nice location for something special.  It seemed like a plan.

Fall 1985

I imagined a romantic setting with fancy food and we were not disappointed.  From the fromage section we each chose a cheese.  Natalie picked the Cotswold and I decided on one called Prairie Breeze.  The cheese board came with grapes, cranberries, hummus, tapenade, and mustard.  I think we could have just eaten on that and a dessert and left the restaurant stuffed.  We just kept telling each other how yummy dinner was.  Our entrees of fish and scallops were also very tasty.   Dinner was pricey, but for my beloved on her birthday it was a perfect evening.  We will definitely go there again for another special occasion. How far we have come from those two young women of almost three decades ago.

Year Three

Today is my father's birthday, the third one since he died in 2010.  I have been trying to focus on the good memories, but with losing my cat yesterday I feel a little melancholic.  Okay, a lot melancholic.  Things have improved so much in my life in the last 6 months, I wish my dad was here to share in my good fortune.  I am sure he would have loved calling me everyday and asking if I was on my way to jail. The silliness would have fueled many corny exchanges.  I miss that.  Things are better in my life, but can I just say on this day there is much emptiness in my life.  Friends do me a favor show your love ones how much you love them.  In the end the love is what you remember.

Special Day with My Wife

The Birthday Girl

Today is my wife's, Natalie's, birthday.  I took the day off to try and give her a special day.  Now let me start with she and I are as different as night and day.  Our differences are so significant that if I am picking something out for her I think about what I would want and pick the exact opposite thing.  We do struggle with these differences. 

Our refrigerator is a case in point to our schism of likes and dislikes.  We have wheat & white bread, almond & whole milk, large & small curd cottage cheese.  We can't even agree on Cheetos.  I like the puffs, she likes the crunchy.  Years of compromise and working together has made it okay to have two types of bread, but our dance of differences did not come easily.

Birthday celebrations are another case in point.  I want the ticker tape parade and national holiday to accompany my special day.  Natalie, not so much, she wants a day that is as stress free as possible.  She never wants the wait staff at a restaurant to know it is her birthday because she doesn't want anyone to make a fuss over her.  I thought long and hard on how to make today the kind of day she would love.  Nothing to over much for her.

My plan was to start the day early (for me) by giving her her presents (book, DVDs, robe, sweat pants, and yarn) and taking her to breakfast.  My wife loves breakfast.  After our meal I took her to her favorite type of shops (book, pet, and music stores).  Then home for time with her dogs, the Taters.  We ended our day with dinner out than home for DVDs and knitting.  I know, not exciting, but exactly the kind of day she wanted.  And you know that is what I tried to do give her a perfect day.  Now in March ( my birthday month) bring on the confetti and marching bands, cause I do like a fuss.

Happy Birthday to My Wife

Birthday Girl with Fried Cheese Cake Dessert

Today is my wife's birthday.  Unlike me, my wife does not like to be the center of attention.  She truly is a no fuss kind of person.  After having such an awesome birthday this year (http://tempestinapot.blogspot.com/2011/03/lucky-in-iowa-or-how-i-got-married.html), I was at a loss as to what to do to make her day special.  After much discussion we decided to just go out for sushi and invited anyone who wanted to join us to show up, keeping it very casual.  And show up they did; we even had to move up to a larger set of tables to accommodate the crowd.  Much sushi was ordered and consumed, much birthday love shared, and a few silly cards enjoyed.  I looked around and felt the love, I know she did too.  At the end of the meal I headed down to pick up the check and Knitter Man had swooped in and already taken care of business.  Shocked (it truly was much sushi), I can only say thank you to Knitter Man and thank you to everyone who made this birthday lunch so special.  We are lucky to be so loved.

 THE SUSHI (California Roll, Crabsticks, Salmon Roll, Scallops, Caterpillar Roll)

Fried Cheese Cake (So Yummy)

Count Cross Stitch Scooby Wall Hanging From the Kluesners

Handmade Thread Ornament from Lenore

Quilting Bee, Or Lucky Me

I know I keep pushing the luck thing, but you know I have been especially lucky since my birthday.  Not only did I get a beautiful wife, but my wonderful mother gave me one of her freshly minted quilts.  I spent the last year seeing this quilt lay around in various stages and then to see it in a big bag with the word "birthday" printed on the side, I was dumbstruck.  I know the hours and thought that went into such a lovely creation.  I could describe the quilt, but a photo is truly worth a thousand words.

Birthday Quilt



The blocks of flowers set with the pinks is so lovely and sooooo my mother.  The oval printed fabric in with the pinks and the flowers sooooo not my mother.  She in not an abstract oval print person, but she told me this fabric just jumped out at her and she thought it would be a good contrast to the pinks.  I say, and you can quote me on this, mom was right.  The quilt is a stunner. 

My mom has been working on quilts for years. She is actually what she calls a topper. She loves the process of finding a pattern, picking out the fabric, tweaking the pattern, and doing all the piece work.  Once she has the top pieced she usually sends it out to be machine quilted.  I love watching her as she goes through the stages of putting together a quilt.  She can hand quilt, but says for her the magic is in the piecework.  I don't care how we get to the end product I just love the results. 

This quilt is the second one of her creation I have blogged about ( http://tempestinapot.blogspot.com/2009/11/day-twenty-seven-gratitude.html ).  To be the recipient of another quilt is as I have said before, humbling.  All the time, money, and labor to hand something so precious over to another is a gift which has no price tag. 

Mom's signature on the back

As much as I love the top of my quilt; my favorite part is on the back.  My mother has started to "sign" her quilts.  I love that she is so ingenious to put her unique hallmark on the back of something I will cherish for the rest of my life.

And the Party Continues

Everyone and the Newlyweds!



As I mentioned  I got married on my birthday (just in case you missed it).  My birthday didn't stop there, my dear wife (and I mean that when I say it) threw me a small birthday party with some of my knitting buddies at the London Tea Room http://tempestinapot.blogspot.com/2010/04/downtown-adventures-or-how-i-found.html ).  Since it was a formal tea many of the guests wore hats and came prepared to drink tea and celebrate.

The Dapper Mr Harrison



Amy Looking Lovely



And of course we did drink tea, but none of them were prepared for the our surprise announcement of our recent nuptials.  I thought about making everyone wait until after we had tea and scones, but I was about to burst with the news.  Keeping a secret is not one of my strong points.  As soon as everyone was present and accounted for I stood up and told them about the best birthday ever.  I even brought the marriage license to pass around so everyone could see, we weren't fibbing.  Cheers of joy went around the table and more than a few cups of tea were salted with tears of happiness.  I am proud to say I didn't cry, I just bask in their love, beaming.  Who knew getting married would make me this happy?



Julie and My Beautiful Wife





My friends showered me with amazing gifts.  I must admit I am like a kid about getting a present, love it!  I got books, yarn, a stunning new quilt from my mother, a hand knitted capelet, wrist bands, and so much more.  I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends, I only hope that I am worthy of their friendship.  I also want to apologize if anyone felt left out by not being invited to the party.  I am so sorry, we were limited by size and finances as to how many we could invite.  I am so lucky to have so many wonderful friends I feel bad not inviting everybody I ever spoke to.  Next time I will think of a place better suited for a larger crowd.  We will have a free for all and  50 (omg I can't believe I am saying this)  is only 5 years away! 



Birthday Swag

Lucky in Iowa, Or How I got Married.

I never thought I would be legally married, never.  But I am in the states of Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, District of Columbia, and Iowa.  How you might ask did such a thing happen?  Well sit back and let me tell you a story.  A good story about love, luck, and a trip to the great state of Iowa.

Wednesday my much beleaguered life partner, Natalie, called from Washington D C and said, "Since we both have Friday off, what do you want to do?"  Granted it wasn't just any old Friday but Friday, March 4, which has the distinction of being my birthday.  My 45th birthday if you are counting.  And if you are counting, the last two years my birthdays have been days marked by grief.  I wanted to do something special, something memorable, something to mark the change of luck in my life.  I really can't fully explain why, but as soon as I heard this question I only had one answer.

"Let's go to Iowa and get married,"  I said.

I heard Natalie say, "B...b...B..."  Silence and then, "We will talk about this later."

Later came and after much discussion (we are lesbians after all and nothing is ever decided without much processing), reflection, and a text message at 4:50 am eastern standard time that read, "Yes.  Why don't we go to Iowa and get married?  I love you." We decide to do the deed. 

But sometimes it takes a village or in this case a very persistent co-worker to make a wedding happen in 48 hours.  The great state of Iowa has rules for a marriage certificate and some counties are not as compliant as others.  Hurdle number one is the need for a justice of the peace in Iowa to do the joining.  Hurdle number two is the need for a witness that knows both parties.  Hurdle number three the three day waiting period before you can get married (so not giving Natalie the opportunity to change her mind).

Hurdle number two was easy my mom was enlisted to be our witness.  Hurdles one and three were a little more significant.  Thanks to the powers of google and fellow library assistant, Kim, it can be done.  After failing with one county to get the desired answers, she and I looked until we found my new favorite county in Iowa, Johnson County.  In the county seat of Iowa City, Iowa we found a Recorder of Deeds who had a great web page and the helpful suggestion of how to get pass the three day rule plus a list of judges and phone numbers.  A few calls and a few squeals later a plan was laid.  It was Iowa or bust.

 Friday morning with my mother (and her white mini-van) in tow we hopped on highway 61 and headed north.  I will admit to you my friends, I was positively simmering over with excitement.  I know my two favorite ladies in the world (mom and Natalie) were ready to make me ride on the roof to get me to shut up.  However, happiness brooks no deterrent, so they suffered my gushing patter on the four and half hour drive to Iowa City with no incident. 



The very awesome Carrie



We hit the administrative building at about 11:30 am central standard time like kids hitting the gate at Disneyland.  Our clerk's name was Carrie and she was everything you don't expect from a civil servant.  She was cheerful, helpful, and downright giddy to help us achieve the goal of getting us married on my birthday.  The day truly was a group effort with the employees of Johnson County doing most of the work.  Every time we showed up at the recorders office (a total of three times) Carrie was there to make our dream come true. 

This trip also required three trips to the county court house too, an awesome old building with old woodwork, vintage tile,  beautiful stained glass, and stairs, lots of stairs.  We met an amazing bailiff named Sue who made sure everyone knew we needed extra attention.  Sue kept the machinery of county bureaucracy moving for us.  By 2:00 pm central standard time Natalie and I were spouse and spouse. 

Judge Karen performed a beautiful and simple service, which I cried through.  We exchanged our wedding rings we bought for each other in 1992 and kissed in front of Judge Karen, Sue, and my mother.  Hugs went all the way around the court room and there it was we were after so many years MARRIED.  On our last trip to the Recorder's Office we picked up the actual Marriage Certificate and I said to Carrie, "I am so excited."

Carrie gave me a smile and said, "Do you think?"  I just can't thank the wonderful civil servants of Johnson County enough for all the help and attention, they truly were my heroes on my wedding day.



Judge Karen, Mom, and the newlyweds



On the four and half hour drive home my beautiful wife (and I mean that when I say it) asked, "Do you feel different?"

I could only say, "Yes, I feel empowered!"  What I didn't say then and I will say now, I feel lucky.  Lucky Natalie would have me.  Lucky my mother was with me.  And very lucky we live close enough to make it to Iowa in a day to get married.  I wish all non-traditional couple could be this lucky.

I Miss My Dad

I miss my dad, I know that is not a surprise for anyone who has been around me of late.  Today it is particularly hard, today he would have been his 69th birthday.  My dad hated his birthday, he hated getting older, and he really hated us reminding him of it.  On his 40th birthday the neighbor lady helped me make him a blackberry cobbler and I made a big sign and put it up over the door so everyone would know it was his special day.  I waited impatiently to surprise him with dinner and cobbler.  He drove up in his big tool truck and got out looking up at the sign.  I saw the look on his face and knew I had made a terrible mistake.  The extra large 40, mortified him.  I saw him swallow his humiliation and eat my horrid dinner followed by the cobbler, my only success that night.  I never made birthday signs or cobbler again.

I think the birthday sign truly does epitomize the relationship my dad and I had.  We just never really understood each other.  I thought he would love the fuss over him, because I do.  Dad never wanted to be at the center of the party, he wanted to stand on the porch and drink his beer.  Me I love to be in thick of it, laughing the loudest.  My dad and I were just so radically different from one another.  I don't think my dad ever really had a clue what I did for a paycheck.  He also never understood why I would grow up to be a lesbian.  But like the sign he would notice the difference and then choose to ignore it.  He loved me and that is what mattered to him.

We worked at finding that middle ground and avoiding those moments of oppositions.  When we first found out he was sick all we could say to one another was how much we loved each other.  I made sure to tell him what a good dad he had been and how lucky I was to have had him in my life.  He looked at me with tears in his and eyes and I knew for once we understood each other nothing more needed to be said.

. 

Today I am sad, trying to accept my loss.  My life goes on, I  pay bills, go to work, knit, and participate in a world that continues to revolve ignoring my petty struggles.  I just keep looking for a place on that common ground, a place where my dad and I found peace.

Belated Birthday

This year my birthday was delayed because I felt it was unimportant compared to other events. So I have had the weird random belated birthday gift thing going on. I love gifts, so I am not at all complaining. However, I was surprised by this beautiful gift from my friends Rachel and Deborah. Deborah bought the Karaoke yarn and made Rachel crochet this gorgeous scarf.

It is so surprising and stunning all I could do was clutch it to me and gush. I wore it Thursday to work with a shawl pin. I felt so chic swooshing it around in the library. My boss told me to wear it more often it was so awesome.

I have some of the best friends. Thank You.

Tea and knitting

I was originally blue about my birthday. It has been a rough year. I have been trying to be healthy about this process, but for some reason my birthday became this looming date. I felt as if a stumbling block was in my way, and for those who know me, I am not the most graceful of creatures. So with some trepidation I went to my weekly IHOP get together with the knitters in my life. I walked in and was surprised by a wonderful celebration in my honor. I was so warmed by the love, that all I could do was smile like a big dope. My friends had all embarked on a group project for my birthday. They knitted me a fiestaknitware set. It is AWESOME!!! They had found the pattern on the web and decided it was exactly what I needed for my birthday (http://www.knittingdaily.com/freepatterns/toys/Fiesta_Tea_Set_Childrens_Toys90-1.html).

And they were exactly right. My birthday went from blue to green, pink, orange, purple, teal, and red. I cried a little and could only keep asking who knit which piece. The two gentlemen knitters split up the project with one knitting the saucer and the other knitting the cup. Another knitter took on the creamer and decided it was so much fun she had to make a cup too. The teaport and sugar bowl are so beautiful, I can't stop looking at them. The colors chosen were so vividly amazing. At the last minute my beloved Cuz was conscripted to do a cup and saucer. She was so happy about the project and informed me it was fun knitting. I stole some pictures from Rachel to prominently display the work of some proud knitters. I cannot imagine a more thoughtful or unifying gift. I am lucky and feel in the most real sense of the word blessed. And then the always wonderful Semperfiona baked me a teapot cake!!! I can't even begin to imagine how she achieved so effectively one of the best birthday cakes I have ever had, but it was so perfect.

I just love how the lid of the teapot is flipped up, like the tempest in the teapot has gotten so out of control it lifted the lid up and caused the storm to dissipate. Kind of like my sadness, the party made me hopeful, ready to let some of this baggage from the past year go, and to start moving forward. I just need to focus that with good friends and bright colors, the darkness I have been through will disappear. I want to make sure lavendergrrl, semperfiona, ohari, scottake,Rachel, transplantmom, 7letterdeborah, Lenora, Cuz, sunglazing, and girlfriend know how much the love I felt Wednesday night has made me warm all week. Thank you. Thank you for so much, the gift of knowing you all, the gift of learning from your examples, and the gift of allowing this too fabulous Pisces into your amazing lives. Blink, blink, sniffle, sniffle.

Me being very green and very happy!

Not all babies are cute at first

Everyone who was there said I was pretty baby, round and rosy. However, this picture was obviously taken before I had time to primp. I think I look kind of like I feel today, cranky. I also love the whole squinty eye thing. About the only thing I really would approve of in this shot is the little kewpie doll hairdo, but maybe I just have a pointy head. Regardless, in the days before ultrasounds this was my first photo shoot. I improved with age and learned to quit squinting when not in the sun. But I think for those of you who will know when I am much older then I am today, this is what I will look like as I ripen.