Today is the 5 year anniversary of my dad's passing. I have spent the past years re-living those final hours of his life. To see someone so strong so destroyed by this disease was worse than anything I had ever seen before. All ideas of Christian grace gone. It was horrific. And yet when people said to me, his passing was a relief from the pain, I wanted to scream at them why did he have to suffer at all. I still carry such anger and pain at this vile thing called cancer and if I pray for anything it is that there is a cure so no one suffers as he did. After the anger is the hole from the loss of someone so important to me. I move forward and make the new normal without him, but know I still cry when I think of all the things I can no longer share with him. Grief is not about stages, it is about forcing yourself forward when with every inch you leave the life you shared with your loved one behind. Sad day, sad thoughts.