Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Long Weekend or Reflection on Through the Looking Glass

I don't know what it is about a 3 day weekend, but why do you always get slammed right before it?  My work week has been crazy busy.  I keep trying to keep up.  As the Red Queen says to Alice in Through the Looking Glass, "My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.”  Too true Mr. Carroll.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016


I have noticed that many people spend a great deal of time fussing over what others do during patriotic rituals.  I get it some people think those things are important, okay they are.  However, I always ask myself what is more important the symbols of freedom or the freedom itself?

For example I no longer say the pledge of allegiance to the flag.  I am polite when it is recited, but I stopped participating.  As an agnostic, I do not believe, one nation under God is appropriate.  First I don't believe it and second it feels ridiculous for me to repeat words I don't believe.  Wonderfully, I don't have to say it.  I have the freedom of speech, says so right there in the constitution, and I can refuse to recite the pledge of allegiance.  Thomas Jefferson would  be proud to know that I am exercising my rights.

Now if they ever go back to the original pledge of allegiance to the flag, I will gladly recite that oath anytime.

1892 version

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Hawaiian Vacation

Almost 10 years ago my wife and I took my mother to Hawaii for her 65th birthday.  As you can guess Hawaii is one of the prettiest places on the planet.  We saw big cities, small towns, beaches of all colors, volcanos, and of course 8 stunning sunsets and 1 amazing sunrise.  The trip was worth every penny (and that was a lot of pennies) we paid for it. 

Natalie and I at the Hotel in Waikiki.

When I was five I remember telling my mother one day we would go to Hawaii together,  The trip was my way of making good on that promise.  Always one to help me with my goals, Natalie stepped up and paid up for half of the trip.  We planned for a year (and paid for it about that long too).  We made a big surprise out of the trip and for once in my life I think my mother was happy.  The shared memory of that trip was one I have cherished.

Mom and Natalie on Maui
Fast forward 10 years and the trip has become a time before my father's death and the estrangement from my mother.  I have no regrets about the trip, but some of those moments have now become bittersweet.  I miss the woman who accompanied me on that trip and wish I could have some of the essence of that version of my mother back.

Mom and I in Waikiki

The good news is Natalie is still by my side, supporting me through this painful time.  I don't know how I got so lucky to have such a wonderful partner by my side, but I would be lost without her.  Thanking her everyday for picking me to fall in love with.

Natalie in the mouth of the whale on Maui

Sunday, August 21, 2016


Things with my family are deteriorating so deeply I fear they will never be fixed.  My heart is turning to ash in my chest.  I can only work through this and hope I come out healed when all the bad words have been said.  Wishing for a better tomorrow.

Monday, August 8, 2016

My Poor Blog

I have been so wrapped up in family drama I haven't been blogging.  I doubt anyone wants to hear a dirty laundry list of recriminations.  I need to distance myself from toxic people and not allow their lives taint my own.  I am lucky, I have love in my life and I know myself.  Mantra: rise above it tempest, rise above.