Done with this week

First there was real family drama.  2nd came the soul crushing results of the election.  My wife had serious problems at work.  I had to break up with a friend,.  Finally, Leonard Cohen died today.  I am so done with this week.

Saying goodbye to Angel

A week ago we said goodbye to our sweet Angel.  She developed a sarcoma in her mouth, and we could  not manage her pain.  As you can guess it was hard.  We knew when we agreed to take Angel that she was 10 years old and we were her retirement home.  Her life had been a series of kennels and handlers.  She had to be obedient, her weight was monitored, she had to do whatever was expected of her all the time.  Her life was one of work and constant movement.

At first we were just another in a long line of places she had been deposited.  Being petted and cuddled were not normal to her.  The treats were nice, but you could tell she kept waiting to have to work for that morsel.  Slowly, she began to settle into her life as a pampered pet.  She learned to expect warm blankets on demand and nightly cuddling.  Her new pack mates learned that you can never catch a whippet.  Retirement got good to her.  Everywhere she went she was adored.  Angel found home.

We are missing her quiet present and deep soul searching gazes.  Her few years  with us were just not enough.  Wishing our sweet Angel a good journey to a place where she always catches the bunny and the treats are endless.

Loss

Yesterday one of my co-workers committed suicide.  I saw him the day before, he gave me a big smile and told me he was doing great.  We always smiled when we saw each other.  If we had time, we talked about how things were going in our lives.  He always seemed happy and upbeat.  In fact seeing him was one of the bright spots in my day.  I, like everyone else was stunned by the news of his death by his own hand.

I was also angered at the news because I feel I failed him in some way.  I failed to notice that under the veneer of his smile was so much pain.  Pain I could have in some small way eased or lessen.  Pain I was oblivious to.  No one knows why he ended his most precious life, but we all reeled from the knowledge that he was gone.

I cannot turn back to Thursday and rewrite my last conversation with him, but can at least tell you what I wish I had said.  I wish I had told him how much I appreciated that he always took the time to smile at me and acknowledge our connection as workplace allies.  His warm hellos and inquiries as to my quality of my day were a tonic against the harsh realities of our jobs.  I would say to him I would miss him if he went away and so would many others.  I would tell him, as I am telling you, his life matters.