Some days I wonder that I am even allowed out of the house. Today while looking at magazines in Hancocks with my lovely wife I felt something weird in the right leg of my pants. I did that test twist of my shin in the pant leg and I could distinctly feel something alien caught between my flesh and fabric. I didn't know what it was, but was almost certain it was a bug or worst yet a spider. My heart skipped a beat and I said to Natalie, "There is something in my pant leg."
She gave me the are you speaking in tongues look and said, "What?"
My voice went up an octave and I repeated, "There is something in my pants."
Natalie heard the panic and was on her knees feeling my pants for the offending lump in a second. I held still, afraid whatever it was would bite me, pleading, "Get it out."
Natalie found the lump and was squishing it up against my leg, I felt something pokey on my right shin. "Natalie," I wailed. "Get it out before it bites me."
"I'm trying baby, but it is stuck I can't get it out." She was trying to reach up my pant leg, but I could feel more pokiness.
At this point I envisioned a spider taking a chunk out of my skin and I wanted it gone, RIGHT NOW. I looked around and Hancock's wasn't that busy and I thought, well if I drop my pants, we can get it out quicker and I won't get bit. I had my pants unbuttoned and unzipped ready to drop trou, deep in panic mode.
"Got it!" Natalie said and then I heard her laugh. "What is this doing in your pants?"