Saturday, April 30, 2011

Keeping My Pants On In Hancocks.

Some days I wonder that I am even allowed out of the house.  Today while looking at magazines in Hancocks with my lovely wife I felt something weird in the right leg of my pants.   I did that test twist of my shin in the pant leg and I could distinctly feel something alien caught between my flesh and fabric.  I didn't know what it was, but was almost certain it was a bug or worst yet a spider.  My heart skipped a beat and I said to Natalie, "There is something in my pant leg."

She gave me the are you speaking in tongues look and said, "What?"

My voice went up an octave and I repeated, "There is something in my pants."

Natalie heard the panic and was on her knees feeling my pants for the offending lump in a second.  I held still, afraid whatever it was would bite me, pleading, "Get it out."

Natalie found the lump and was squishing it up against my leg, I felt something pokey on my right shin.  "Natalie," I wailed.  "Get it out before it bites me."

"I'm trying baby, but it is stuck I can't get it out."  She was trying to reach up my pant leg, but I could feel more pokiness.

At this point I envisioned a spider taking a chunk out of my skin and I wanted it gone, RIGHT NOW.  I looked around and Hancock's wasn't that busy and I thought, well if I drop my pants, we can get it out quicker and I won't get bit.  I had my pants unbuttoned and unzipped ready to drop trou, deep in panic mode.

"Got it!"  Natalie said and then I heard her laugh.  "What is this doing in your pants?" 

I looked down and she was holding one of my green point protectors and laughing at me.  Yes I was about to show off my tighty whities for one green knitting needle point protector.  I refastened my pants as I began laughing too.  I have no idea how the item got there, but you know I was very relieved it wasn't a spider and that I can still show my face to the good people who work at Hancocks.

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