And My Hometown Does Me Proud!

Yesterday I went into work to find a message on my voicemail from a friend who also works for the city and she said there was going to be a press conference at 9 AM in the Mayor's office and I should be there.  I had no idea what was going on, but I trust my friend so off to silly hall I went. 

Something about the Mayor's office always makes me feel like I am in trouble, but I put some starch in my spine and marched right in.  The lobby of the office was full of reporters with cameras.  I stood by the door looking around, seeing no one I knew, but I noticed a rainbow flag in the corner with all U.S., state, and city flag.  Something was up, something I wanted to stay and find out more about.

A polite, young woman came up to me and we chatted about the purpose of the press conference.  She pulled up an article on her phone and pointed to it.  The previous night the Recorder of Deeds had issued 4 marriage licenses to 4 same sex couples.  Those couples had been married in the mayor's office and the press conference was to announce the City of St Louis was challenging the constitutionality of the state of Missouri's same-sex ban!  Yes, my hometown was standing with the  LGBTQ community.

The Mayor came in with 4 newly hitched same-sex couples.  He gave a great speech outlining the city's goal.  The goal to open marriage to same-sex couples.  The City Counselor's Office, the Recorder of Deeds, and the Mayor's office worked together to cause a case challenging the state's ban.  The Attorney General of Missouri had already filed an injunction to not allow the city to issue anymore same-sex marriage licences.  The Mayor said they will comply, but will continue to press this issue through the courts with the hope the ban will be proven unconstitutional.

I admit, I teared up with pride at my city.  Yes, this was an extremely orchestrated legal event, but little old Midwestern St Louis did it (https://stlouis-mo.gov/government/departments/mayor/news/marriage-licenses-to-same-sex-couples.cfm).  Also, seeing 4 couples happy and proud to be the first 4 same-sex couples legally married in Missouri filled me with joy.  I was so overwhelmed that after the press conference I hugged the Mayor.  Yes, I gave him one of those big girl happiness hugs.  I am a little embarrassed at myself for being so expressive, but you know happiness should be shared.  Congratulations to the newlyweds way to go St Louis!

Creeping Along at a Petty Pace

My new year's resolution this year is to work on enjoying the journey more, instead of always focusing on the destination.  I would like to say I am doing just that, smelling the flowers and luxuriating in the gorgeousness of Spring, but I am not.  I am doing the usual rush, rush of life and cursing at the obstacles in my way.  I seem to never learn.

Yesterday, I was off and had a whole day to just do what I wanted to do.  I had thought my journey on Friday would be between my futon and my kitchen.  I would knit and enjoy some saved Top Gear episodes.  I saw myself as just being with no obligations (in other words I wanted to be very large slug).  Instead I had, the horror, to make the choice between two different lunch dates. I know, my life is a torturous thing.  Part of me was annoyed that I did not have my day of slugness.  However, another part felt elated to have such wonderful choices. 

My lunch companion was a  friend from my days at Silly Hall.  We spent over two hours in that comfortable shared company that needs no effort of congeniality.  The conversation ran from the absurd to the melancholic.  In all, the time was good and much better than watching TV.  We sat by a window and watched the sunny day go by as we chatted.  In many ways it was like going back into time when my life was much less cluttered by grief and worry.  I just wanted to crawl into that safe warm space and stay there.

I dropped my friend off with hugs and promises to "do this more often."  On the way home I was stung by the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and regret.  I guess some journeys are never ending despite how much we try to gracefully move forward.  I am left pensive and wishing I had just stayed a slug.

Anniversary

Some things I would rather not celebrate, but today is an anniversary I wish I did not remember. Today is the one year anniversary of quitting my job at silly hall. I think about what I did, leaving at lunch and instead of returning to work I e-mailed in my resignation. I had no job or even job prospects waiting for me. It was intense and very stressful. Add that to my surgically forced menopause and I have been sad. Okay really sad. I wish I could say it has been great to walk away from an abusive work situation, and my life has been awesome since, but I would be a big-ass liar. Yet upon reflection I ask, if I could go back,would I do it exactly the same? No of course not. I would not have cried for 3 days straight after quitting. I had already decided to leave and being humiliated and belittled everyday was not worth the salary. So I still would have left. But the major change would be that I would have called in sick for the afternoon, and then quit the next morning. I lost 4 hours of sick leave by being so rash. In the future I will make sure to use up as much sick leave as I can before leaving a job. Also I will not apologize for leaving a place where I was emotional abused, spied on, and ask to turn in my dignity every moment I was there. I was right to leave and no amount of looking backwards will change that.
The year has been hard. I have made less and worked hard for my measly check, but I do have my dignity. I am lucky, I have an awesome support network of friends who have held my hand and helped me in this dark period. I would be lost without their love. I am not one of those people who believe that change is good, and that it makes us better, but I am surviving. I will live and things will change again and I will do better.

Tempest in a Pot of Pasta

Tonight was such a good night. After a long day of helping barely sentient beings get tax forms it was wonderful to sit down to a good meal with a good friend. We met at Stellina's http://www.stellinapasta.com/pastaspecials.php

on Watson down from my beloved Knitorious. The evening was almost perfect, the one exception was I wanted lasagna and was too early for the gooey goodness of that treat. So I settled for the whole wheat walnut tagliatelle with asparagus, red peppers, and fresh mozzarella in an oil butter garlic sauce. They use a lot of adjectives to describe fat pasta with cheeses and veggies, but it was really worth all of those words. Stellina's has a small menu based on daily specials so everything is so fresh it just melts in your mouth. And this was no exception, the asparagus was so tasty all I could do was say, "Yummy!"

In between bites of delicious goodness I dished with my friend. My relationship with Lady D is well different hence the D. We worked together for 7 plus years in the hallowed decrepitude of silly hall. We got along fairly well and she was probably one of my co-workers I most respected with her direct honesty and a practicality that I envied. It was funny after years of working side by side with her I somehow feel we actually have been closer since I left. I think it might be that a shared diversity will make people closer. Unfortunatley, she still works at silly hall. We dished and dished and well, dished. She caught me up on the gossip at the Collector's office and I caught her up with the zaniness of my new job. We laughed, I sniffled, and we ate damn good pasta. Sometimes I need to be reminded that leaving my job there was not because I was a bad or lazy person. Lady D always helps to illuminate that it was not about me, but that the new administration is less than fair and ran like a high school student council instead of a county office. I would be doing horribly if I still worked there.

So I say, bring on the zaniness of the library, this is just a phase thing are already better than they were a year ago. And to add to the fabulousness, now I can knit. Finally, the bonus was my friend even picked up the tab for dinner. Thank you Lady D, but your company was the best part of the evening.