Creeping Along at a Petty Pace

My new year's resolution this year is to work on enjoying the journey more, instead of always focusing on the destination.  I would like to say I am doing just that, smelling the flowers and luxuriating in the gorgeousness of Spring, but I am not.  I am doing the usual rush, rush of life and cursing at the obstacles in my way.  I seem to never learn.

Yesterday, I was off and had a whole day to just do what I wanted to do.  I had thought my journey on Friday would be between my futon and my kitchen.  I would knit and enjoy some saved Top Gear episodes.  I saw myself as just being with no obligations (in other words I wanted to be very large slug).  Instead I had, the horror, to make the choice between two different lunch dates. I know, my life is a torturous thing.  Part of me was annoyed that I did not have my day of slugness.  However, another part felt elated to have such wonderful choices. 

My lunch companion was a  friend from my days at Silly Hall.  We spent over two hours in that comfortable shared company that needs no effort of congeniality.  The conversation ran from the absurd to the melancholic.  In all, the time was good and much better than watching TV.  We sat by a window and watched the sunny day go by as we chatted.  In many ways it was like going back into time when my life was much less cluttered by grief and worry.  I just wanted to crawl into that safe warm space and stay there.

I dropped my friend off with hugs and promises to "do this more often."  On the way home I was stung by the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and regret.  I guess some journeys are never ending despite how much we try to gracefully move forward.  I am left pensive and wishing I had just stayed a slug.

Black Swan, Or Having a Good Day

Today I was off from work.  I had some things I needed to do, but mostly I wanted to be on my schedule, not someone elses.  I have come to treasure time I spend not at my job.  I was lucky I had an extra day off left over from the New Year's day holiday.  I have a glorious 4 days off (okay now it is really 3).  One of my goals for today was have bacon and eggs and see a movie. Little luxuries maybe, but today I felt downright decadent having a leisurely breakfast and then buying a movie ticket at noon.

The film, Black Swan has intrigued me.  A film about ballet, with Natalie Portman, and rumored to have lesbian content, count me in.  I have wanted to see it for weeks, but my schedule has not had much room for a movie.  Unfortunately, everyone has been blabbing about the movie, people I work with, facebook friends, and literally people on the street screaming out the ending.  Grrr. I went anyway, because I wanted to see it myself and not wait for the dvd. 

Put a check in that box, film watched.  I am not going to make the mistake of giving away any of the secrets, but I think Portman gave an Oscar worthy performance.  Her Nina made me weep with sadness, on some level I identified with elements of the character.  Because secretly I am a prima ballerina in my spare time.  Stop laughing it could happen, in my next life maybe.  Regardless of the differences between the graceful, waffish Nina and the solid, klutzy me, the film made me walk away thinking I should learn to be kinder to myself and accept my flaws. I love it when I walk away from a movie with new insights into my own character.  Black Swan definitely gave me that opportunity for self-examination, and made me nervous I think I am sprouting black feathers on my shoulder blades too.

Day Eight: Gratitude

I thought I was going to talk about how grateful I was to lounge around on my futon, drinking ice tea, and knitting which was my plan for the day. However, I spent the day running errands and stopping by my favorite LYS (Local Yarn Store) . It doesn't really matter which I did in the end because I was on my schedule today, no one else's. So today I am grateful for a much earned day off.

I have spent the last two weeks working with very little time off having worked all last weekend and this Saturday as well. This pace wears me out, and to be honest makes me not really like people that much. Today, I did deal with humanity,but only in brief interludes. The LYS was my only exception I made. I meet a new knitter named Erica who was doing her first circular pattern, and I must say she was rockin' those DPN (Double Pointed Needles). I also bumped into Sharon, who I know from Wednesday nights, on a mission for more yarn. The knitters and a few crocheters were out by the tangles today. Even managed to get in a wonderful conversation with my friend, Lavendergrl, about her fabulous night at the Fox with Leonard Cohen.

I could go on about my day off, but let's just say I am very grateful that I finally had one.

A day off is something to be treasured.