Sometimes I should just knit

Sometimes I get lonely. I think everyone does. I feel isolated from those around me, like I just don't fit in at all. I have felt this way most of my life and I just try to pretend that everything is alright, but inside I am shrinking down to the insecure little girl I have tried so hard to leave behind.

However, sometimes I feel surrounded by friends and family. We get together, laugh, share, and feel cocooned from the harsh world around us. Paris may burn, but we still have one another. I am no longer the child I have struggled to leave behind, but the flamboyant persona I have desperately tried to create.

Then there are the moments of clarity between those two states of being. I am neither and yet both. I think this state might be the worst of the three. All facade and fear stripped away to the bare essence of myself. It is hard to see yourself for what you are and not flinch as you look into that personal mirror.

Finally, I break down and laugh or cry or both, pick up my knitting, tell myself to stop being so self-indulgent, and I get on with my life.