Sunday, February 17, 2013

Three Years and Counting or Missing My Dad

If you follow my blog, you know that I have been struggling with the grief of losing my dad three years ago today to pancreatic cancer.  We watched as the pain, medication, and the cancer stripped my father of everything he valued until all that was left was his struggle to survive.

Vernon Lambing on His Snap-On Truck, Circa 2000

On the morning of his death he woke up and said, "I am here, I thought I was gone."  Those were his last words, he died about an hour later.  Heart wrenching, even now. 

I still cry about his death, he was 68, and not ready to leave this world.  I know it is cliche, but I am still angry about how he died.  Cancer is cruel.  I try to not to be get caught up in this cycle of anger and grief, but today it caught me as soon as I woke up and here I am allowing myself to feel the anguish of my loss.

Tomorrow I will tuck away the pain and focus on the good memories before the cancer, but today I tarry in the land of grief.  Excuse the self-indulgence, I am human and sometimes I just need to cry.
(Please No Comments, everyone has been so supportive, sometimes I just need to vent.)

No comments: