This time last year my life was very full of those things none of us like to confront. Watching my dad's life slipping away, I just could not be bothered to worry about the growing stack of papers with 2010 printed on them accumulating on my desk. Somewhere in late April I noticed the mess, but by then I just did not even care that the stack was growing larger and starting to take over. By October I was starting to care about the size of the stack, but I thought I would just put it off until the end of the year. The end of the year came and I was looking at an organizational mess. I dreaded even looking in the general direction of my desk.
This weekend was one of those amazing longed for 4 day weekends. I set my mind to it and with much determination set about getting this paper monster tamed. On some level, it was filing bank statements and receipts, boring, but not emotional. On another level it was almost as painful as reliving the last year. Sandwiched in between phone bills and pay stubs were condolence cards and photos of my dad. Little emotional hand grenades making me tear up and sometimes cry. I stayed resolute and soldiered on.
I also found stacks of birthday cards and notes from my friends. Colorful little missives that I could hardly bring myself to open let alone read when they arrived. I threw them into the stack of papers and forgot them. This weekend with time and distance the thoughts of love and good wishes actually could seep through and warm my soul. They made me feel really lucky (my word for 2011) to have such wonderful friends.
Project: see the surface of my desk and be able to start organizing my life again is a success. I have a clean surface, Files are boxed up, given a disposal date, and neatly stacked in the basement. It is a small start, but a start. I can control the space around my desk and from here I will be able to start putting the other pieces of my life together. Things are improving, my desk is all the proof I need.